I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
