Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize