I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
