I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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