I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize