I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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