That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
