you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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