My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
