I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
