Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
wow bdsm is so cute
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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