Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
