he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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