I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
