I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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