Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize