what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
