just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
