And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
