3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
