I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
