you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize