someone owes me an orgasm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize