Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
