I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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