How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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