Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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