i need an iv and a liver transplant
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
