The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
