I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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