Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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