Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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