I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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