Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
