I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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