careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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