Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
