i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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