some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
