I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
