I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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