At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
