I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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