Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
