All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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