you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
