I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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