Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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