Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
