in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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