Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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