God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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