Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yo dont text me then not text me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
