A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize