I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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