Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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