There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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