A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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