we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
