My liver just broke up with me...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
