i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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