So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
