Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
