is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize