Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
