watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
