weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
