I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
