i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have demons in me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
